How to Handle Unwanted Comments at Thanksgiving

How to deal with critical or judgmental relatives at Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is meant to be a time to connect with friends and family, give thanks, and enjoy a delicious meal. But being with loved ones can also bring unwanted comments, sometimes judgmental, sometimes intrusive, and sometimes just thoughtless. If you’ve ever dealt with food guilt, diet talk, or relatives commenting on your weight or plate, you’re not alone.

Thanksgiving is meant to be a time to spend with friends or family to give thanks and enjoy a delicious meal. But being with loved ones can also spark inappropriate and unwanted  comments – whether intentional or not. Or maybe they are too personal for you to want to talk about publicly.

I teamed up with health psychologist Gretchen Kubacky, Psy. D to share helpful ways to respond. Choose what feels best for you, whether that’s setting a boundary or simply steering the conversation somewhere else.

 

Tips to Handle Unwanted Comments at Thanksgiving

Comments About Your Weight

Possible comments:
Looks like someone has been eating well
You’ve put on some weight from last year
Maybe you should skip the dessert table

Possible responses:
“Talking about weight while eating ruins the meal. Let’s focus on this delicious food”
“I’m not sure what you mean by that, but I’m not talking about weight today.”
“Let’s not talk about weight today. So boring. Let’s talk about X”

 

Comments About What You Are Eating

Possible questions/comments:
Do you really think you should be eating all that stuffing?
Why aren’t you eating dessert? Are you on a diet?
I thought you weren’t supposed to eat carbs?

Possible responses:
“Yes, stuffing is my favorite part of the meal, and I deserve to eat great food.”
“I’m satisfied with what I already ate, and don’t want dessert right now.”
“I believe in eating what feels good in my body, especially on a holiday”
“Carbs are part of a balanced lifestyle for me”
“It would be great if you focused on what’s on your plate, not what’s on mine.”

 

Comments About Your Appearance

Possible questions/comments:
Looks you lost some hair. Are you stressed out?
Looks like someone is pregnant (while looking at your stomach)
I see your skin is breaking out. Maybe you should try XYZ

Possible responses:
“I’m not interested in taking about anyone’s appearance today”
Ignore the question and talk about something else
“That sounds like criticism, and I’m not doing negativity”
“Pregnancy is a private topic, so I won’t be answering that”

 

Comments About Having Children

Possible questions/comments:
It’s about time you two had kids”
You’ve been married for 8 years. When are we going to see the little ones?
You’re not drinking wine. Does this mean you’re pregnant?

 

Possible responses:
“Please don’t comment on our family planning. It’s private”
Ignore the comment altogether.
“That’s not up for discussion”
“People choose not to drink for all sorts of reasons.”
“That’s a painful topic, and we won’t be discussing it today”
“You’ll have to keep wondering, because I’m not responding to that.

 

Comments About Ozempic or GLP-1 Medications

Possible questions/comments:
Are you taking that Ozempic shot? You aren’t eating much.
Wow, must be nice to lose weight so fast.
Isn’t that medication dangerous?
Aren’t you worried you’ll gain it all back?

Possible responses:
“My health choices aren’t up for discussion today.”
“I’m working closely with my doctor, and it’s going well.”
“Let’s keep the focus on the holiday—not my medication.”
“I’m not sharing personal medical information at the dinner table.”

 

Our Favorite General Response To Any Question

If someone hits you with an intrusive, awkward, or judgmental question, you can simply ask:
“Why did you ask me that?” It shifts the energy instantly and puts the responsibility back where it belongs.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I really hope you have a joyful day and don’t have to use any of these responses. But just in case you do, now you can feel prepared! And if you want more Thanksgiving tips, check out my previous blog post.

I’d love to hear what kinds of inappropriate questions – or unwanted comments –  you’ve been asked (or which ones you think you’ll be asked). And let me know if you think these answers will come in handy.

 

And if you want to learn more about Dr. Gretchen Kubacky, here are some links:

Author, The PCOS Mood Cure: Your Guide to Ending the Emotional Roller Coaster
www.DrGretchenKubacky.com